It's not a bad weird. I'm loving having my little bro here (I had thought I might get a little overwhelmed with his presence here in my small apartment, but I'm not. At all. In fact, I'm already anticipating missing the comfort of his company when he's gone in another 2.5 weeks). The fall weather is feeling good, and I'm loving getting some runs in cooler weather. All the brown, dead grass has been depressing lately, and I'm willing to sacrifice to have a little greenery before the gloom of winter sets in. And I couldn't be more excited about my upcoming trip to San Francisco.
School is even going really well so far. I couldn't ask for a better class this year. They are sweet, kind, excited to learn, and totally get my 6-year-old sense of humor. Accidental smiles (mine and theirs) continue to happen repeatedly throughout my days.
But nonetheless, I'm just feeling weird. Like maybe there's a change encroaching in the air. I imagine Mary Poppins flying away on the changing winds--not because she wants to, not because she has to, but because she did what she came to do, and it is time. Change has come and so everyone must face it. I'm not planning on flying away anywhere far off in the near future, I'm quite content where I am. But I kinda wish I had Mary Poppins here to tell me why I feel so funny. She always knew the answer.
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| The fog rolled in while Lucy and I were walking this morning then lingered into the early afternoon. Doesn't it feel like Mary Poppins weather? |
I'm feeling trained and ready for my 13.1 on Sunday, but again I have that weird, I-don't-know-what's-going-to-happen feeling about the the event. People who have run this race before have 2 things to say about it: 1) it's super fun! and 2) it's super hilly! (exclamations for entirely different purposes in both of those statements).
In training for this race, I haven't exactly been following a training plan. I've been getting weekend long runs and recovery runs in, and on the weekdays I've been averaging about 3 runs a week. I've been throwing in hills as often as possible, but haven't done my typical "hill rep" training. Yesterday we had our first hill rep training for Disney World with TNT, and I felt strong and fast on the repeated hill ladders we did for 45 minutes (including warm up and cool down). It was definitely a confidence booster.
I've also been getting faster. My weekday runs are averaging mostly between 8:45s and 9:00s compared to my 9:00-9:30 averages at the beginning of the summer. I am confident that if this were even a flat-ish race, I'd be all ready to PR.
But it's not a flat-ish race. And I have no idea what to expect. When I signed up for this race, I told myself it wouldn't be a PR. I didn't want to expect a PR. But now I kind of want it, but don't want to expect it at the same time. I want to secretly (on the internet) admit that I am hoping for a PR, but I also want to enjoy this race and not set myself up for disappointment at the finish line. I want to be able to smile wide as I take my Tiffany's necklace from the tuxedo-wearing fireman who will hand it to me on a silver platter at the end of the race (seriously, that will actually happen).
But I have to remind myself that after almost every race I've run (except maybe Whidbey Island), I've been just a tiny bit disappointed. Because I am a runner. And as a blogger I follow pointed out in her post today, what makes us dedicated runners is that we are never satisfied. We always want to do more and do better. What else would drive this crazy obsession we runners have?
And so now the task is to mentally prep myself for the challenges of the race and the challenges of accepting the results of the race, whatever they may be. And to be happy. And smile. And stare at a fireman. Who is handing me a Tiffany's necklace. And then go to Sonoma and drink lots and lots of wine.
On second thought, who cares about how the race turns out. It's going to be an amazing weekend.
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