I believe in cross-training

It has taken me 5 marathons, a couple handfuls of half-marathons, and a half-Ironman to finally realize the benefits of cross-training.  But tonight, it finally sunk in.  A switch flipped.  A light went on.  It finally clicked.  [Insert any other "suddenly I realized something" cliche here.]

A visual.  In case you are inhumanly
immune to cliches.  Random aside inside a
caption: I get to see first graders make
this face almost daily.

There are many steps that led up to this atmospheric explosion of brilliance.  I will chronologically review them for you here, in case you would like to be as smart as me.

1)  Do a lot of running.  And nothing else.  Like, for years.  Do nothing but run.  Maybe throw in a couple later bouts of sporadic strength training or boot camp.  But really, just run a lot.  All the time.  Really far.  Then keep going.

Replace the word "swimming" with "running." Sing along.

2)  Get slightly burnt out, but don't admit it to yourself.  Run a lot of races.  Get faster.  Start obsessing about speed.  Kind of forget why you started running in the first place.  Have a really bad marathon.  Realize that running hasn't been very fun for a while.  But don't admit you're burnt out.  That comes later.  For now, just keep telling yourself that you're trying to avoid getting burnt out.  That you're just in a slump.

3)  Train for an event that requires you to do something other than running (but still includes running).  I guess I could just say: Train for a triathlon.  Even though as training begins and progresses, you may feel slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things you have to do, keep at it.  Swim.  Bike.  Run here and there.  Do two things in one day.  Have really good workouts that don't involve running.  You may not love it the whole time.  It might even be hard.  But that's kind of the way running has always been too (even before the burnt out days).  Sometimes you'll feel great.  Sometimes you'll be glad it's finally over.  But either way, you'll begin to realize that you just might have strengths in other areas too.

4)  While triathlon training, learn about (or remind yourself of) all the cool things that other sports have to offer.  Swimming and biking offer so much to the endurance athlete that running may not have.  As much as you love running--as loyal as you are to running--admit that there are other things out there that have the potential to be fun too.  Remember why you loved swimming as a kid.  Allow yourself to get over your bike fears and dislikes.  Realize that as you train in other things, your running is remaining strong.  In fact, it's getting stronger.

5)  Have an awesome triathlon where running is the least exciting part of the whole thing.  Surprise yourself when its all over and you realize that your favorite part was the bike.  Admit that what was great about the race was all the different things it involved.  Earn a couple medals.

Compete in a race small enough that you can actually place
top three in your age group.  You might feel like you cheated
a little to get that bronze medal.  But you didn't.  You earned
it fair and square.

6)  Stop training (mainly to cure the previously unacknowledged burnt-outness).  Here's where you admit that you are burnt out.  That, with running, you've probably actually been burnt out for quite a while.  But also admit that you are kind of done being on a "training schedule" for a while.  This hiatus from physical activity may only last a few days, but enjoy it.  Allow yourself not to feel guilty that you didn't get out there and run today.

7)  Start running again, but only because you want to.  Have some really amazing life-affirming, love-of-running-renewing runs.  Don't sign up for another big race (well, you can sign up for another race just make sure it's more than 8 months away--9 months did it for me).  Then run.  Just run.  Run because you had a stressful day at work and it makes you feel better.  Run because your internal angst has nearly hit explosion point and if you don't run, things could get disastrous.  Run because you suddenly remember why you loved running before all the races and the burning out.  Run because it makes you feel good.  Run because you need to.  Don't run because you feel like you should.  Don't run because you feel like you have to.  Run because you love to run.

8)  Wake up one morning and realize that today, even though you've had a series of awesome runs, you don't want to run.  Today you feel an urge to do something different.  Ask yourself, "what is this strange new feeling?"  "Do I ignore it and keep running?" No, that's how you got burnt out.  "Do I acknowledge new sensation and indulge the urge?   Yes, yes you do.  [Side note: you may want to check the room before having this conversation with yourself.  Significant others and children could possibly be scared.  If the room is not clear, have this conversation silently in your head.  Much less crazy that way.]

9)  Realize that you have 4 out of 10 spin classes left in the package you bought while tri training, and decide to go spinning.  Visit biking guru Peter.  He misses you.  He wants to know how your triathlon went.  Tell him it was awesome and that you realized at several points during the race that you were so happy you took those spin classes with him.  Tell him that you blew your anticipated bike time out of the water because you learned so much from him.  Watch him smile.  Enjoy the fact that you just made his day (or in his words "that just made my week").  Then get on the bike and spin.  It may hurt more than it did in training.  You may feel a little less strong than you did 3 weeks ago.  But keep spinning for 45 minutes.  Climb the hills.  Make the turns.  Spin the downhills.  Sweat a lot even though it's cold and rainy outside.

10)  Feel good.  Feel really really good.  Pat yourself on the back.  Congratulate yourself at the end of the spin class.  Because you just cross-trained.  And it felt amazing.  Because you just pushed yourself way harder than you would have on a run that you probably would have gone on that day even though you didn't mentally want to.  Because you would have suffered miserably through that run.  You would have counted down the miles on that familiarly worn trail.  You may not have physically been tired on that run, but you haven't quite cured the mental side effects of being burnt out.  Congratulate yourself that you chose to do something different.  To use different muscles.  To maintain all that great work you did while training for the triathlon.  Acknowledge how this cross-training will strengthen your running for the days when you do mentally want and need to get out there and run.  Feel the light bulb turn on above your head.  Realize that cross-training isn't just another annoying thing that all the famous running coaches say you should do.  Actually understand that it helps.  It helps physically.  And it helps mentally.  And since we all know that the mental battle is the hardest one to fight, relish in this new understanding.  Embrace the idea of cross-training.  Smile, because suddenly you feel brilliant.  Suddenly you believe everything those experts keep telling you.

11)  Acknowledge that in the future you will now be spending a lot of money on spin class.  But it will be awesome.  Biking guru Peter is not cheap.  But you feel the desire to dish out the dough.  Because you want to cross-train once a week for the foreseeable future from now on.

Because you have just suddenly realized all the physical and mental benefits involved in cross-training.  And now you are a believer.

Now, I am a believer.

Just follow these 11 simple steps, and you too can be a believer.

Or perhaps you could take the simpler path and just believe what all those experts say.  You might be smarter than me that way.

But if you are anything like me, you have to make the mistakes yourself and learn the lessons through your own actions before you'll believe it.  You have to figure it all out on your own before you will believe what all those others are telling you.

So get out there.  Go do it.  Become a believer like me.

Black Diamond Half Ironman Recap: I couldn't have done it alone

I did it!  I can now check "Do a half-Ironman" off my 30 things to do before I'm 30 bucket list.

And not only did I finish, but I had a great time pretty much the whole way through.  However, as seems to be the theme with all of my biggest endurance races, the reason that the day was so amazing had very little to do with me.

I've mentioned several times before as I recap races that the feeling I often get is that what I'm doing simply isn't about me.  However, I typically say this because I am a part of a team (Team in Training) that has trained for an entire season while fundraising for a cause much greater than our 26.2 (or 13.1) miles.  As we run our races, we run for those who can't, will never be able to, or still do because we have fought for them.

Saturday's race was a little different though.  I didn't train for this one with TNT and I didn't have a lot of teammates out there competing on the course with me.  So as I pushed through the swim, smiled through the bike (that's right...smiled...we'll get to that), and grimaced through the run, while I still kept my TNT motivations close to my heart, it was a different group of people that made the day feel amazing.

My race was amazing because of this:

And this:

And this:

My fabulous Cheer Squad

And because of the numerous supportive Facebook posts, text messages, and phone calls the night before, morning of, and evening after the race.

I fully and wholeheartedly believe that I would not have been able to finish this race alone.  I wouldn't have made it through the day without my incredibly supportive friends who sacrificed what very well could have been the last warm sunny Saturday in Seattle to drive an hour south to come and cheer me on.  I wouldn't have made it through months of training without the encouraging words of my friends and family (both near and far).  I wouldn't have been successful in logging all my training miles without the patient support, training advice, and workout company provided by Ironman Jason and Ironman MacKenzie (and I wouldn't have had all of the gear I needed without Ironman MacKenzie's generosity--I happen to have all 3 of her wetsuits currently in my possession).  I wouldn't have had the heart to fight through the tough parts if I didn't know that my family was out there cheering me on from all the corners of the globe that we are spread out on.

When I finally crossed the finish line 6 hours and 27 minutes after I dove into the water, I felt like I had an entire army of support that crossed with me.

So before I get into the recap, in case I haven't said it enough:

THANK YOU

While I spent the majority of the race day out on the course by myself, I never once felt alone.  Not for a single moment.  And it made all the difference.

Pre-race:

The morning of the race, MacKenzie, Dorothy, and Erica (who had generously "volunteered"/were forced to be my pre-race sherpa crew) picked me up at 6 AM and we took the hour drive down to Black Diamond.  As soon as we got to the start/finish/transition area, the nerves kicked into high gear.  I picked up my race packet, stuck numbers to my bike and helmet, got marked up for the race, and set up my transition area.

I had to take a picture of my transition set up so that
MacKenzie could pre-approve it and tell me I hadn't forgotten
anything.  When she realized that I hadn't brought an extra
pair of socks for the run in case the socks from the bike
were all wet, she took hers off her own feet so I had them in
case I needed them.  That's what I call a dedicated
friend/race sherpa.

After setting up, as more of my cheer squad showed up, we had a while to wait around until the start.  Dorothy, with her keen, observant eyes noticed my nervous, shaking hands that I had been trying to keep under cover.  I couldn't quite hide it well enough.  But that's ok, because I was happy to be nervous.  Nerves are good for me.  If I wasn't scared of a race like this, I shouldn't be out there doing it.  I was glad I had excited nerves coursing through me.

We bumped into another TNT teammate that happened to be doing the race also.  It felt nice to have someone who was experiencing the same nerves as I was, especially as we listened to the pre-race announcements and made our way into the water.

Me and Emmie, just before hopping in.

The Swim (1.2 miles):
Anticipated Swim Time: 40 minutes
Actual Swim Time: 40:10

Nervously fidgeting with my cap before the start.

I had been told repeatedly by people that the water for this race was absolutely freezing.  But after the elites took off at 9 o'clock and the men at 9:01, I stepped slowly into the water and the temperature felt perfect.  We had unseasonably warm temperatures in Seattle the week before and day of the race, so I think it kept the lake pretty warm.

At exactly 9:05, after waiting the longest 4 minutes I've had in quite a while, they finally started the women off and I was suddenly in the race.  As long as I had waited, that moment happened so quickly that it took a second for me to collect my thoughts and remind myself that this was just the beginning of what was going to be a very long day.

Starting off the swim, my arms were tired.  But I expected that.  I've learned from my numerous Green Lake swims that it takes about 15 minutes for my arms to warm up and feel good.  I know this exact time, because I usually am extremely unhappy swimming from the shore out at Green Lake.  I turn around at the 15 minute mark and all of a sudden feel great, almost disappointed to be heading back so soon.

So as I started the swim, I tried not to get discouraged by tired arms.  The swim itself was a 2-loop diamond-shaped course through the lake.  By the time I had gotten from the bottom to the top of the diamond on the first loop, I was already starting to feel better.  As I rounded the bottom of the diamond again on the second loop, I started feeling great.  I pulled my arms through the water, trying to efficiently spin them as fast as I could.

Luckily, I didn't bump into too many people.  After the first quarter mile, we had all spread out enough that I didn't have to trample anyone or get trampled.  Things sometimes got tight around the buoys, but nowhere close to the horrific things I've heard (and feared) about full Ironman races.  As I pulled up to the finish line though, I suddenly found myself barricaded behind 3 swimmers in front of me and had to slow down just before the end.

Nonetheless, I finished the swim feeling strong and ready to go for the bike.

Weirdest feeling ever: getting out of the water and running in a wetsuit.

The Bike (56 miles):
Anticipated bike time: 3:45:00
Actual bike time: 3:19:57

There I go on my circa 1989 clunker of a road bike!

The bike was by far the biggest surprise of the entire race.  It was the part I was the most nervous about, most unsure of, and most inexperienced with.  So maybe it shouldn't be a surprise that it ended up being the best part of the entire race?

I started off the bike simply thinking please don't get a flat.  Yes I had practiced, yes I had prepared for it, but I had no idea what it would have done to my mental state to get a flat out on the course.  I tried to push that to the back of my mind though, and focus instead on simply making it through the ride.

I was really happy that Ironman Jason and I had gone out in early August and ridden most of the bike course.  Here's my Garmin map:

From the green start, we went north to do the upper loop (about
24 miles), past the park and south to do the lower loop (only 8 or
so miles), then back up again to repeat the upper loop.

When Jason and I had ridden the course together, he noticed that it was a mostly undetectable uphill for the first 8 miles (to the sharp left turn in the upper right corner).  He had strategized with me to take it easy on the first loop, cruise on the downhill across the top, and then do what I could throughout to the lower loop.  Then when I got back to the second upper loop, if I had it in me to push up the hill, do it.  If not, just repeat what I did the first time.

As I was on the bike, I paid little attention to my watch, other than to keep an eye on elapsed timed to ensure I was eating frequently enough.  I paid no attention to what pace I was going.  Instead I went fully based on feel.  If I felt good and strong, I'd push a little.  If I started to get too tired, I slowed down.

Through the first big loop, I finally realized exactly how much I had learned from my spinning classes.  From posture to pedaling power to breathing, every little bit of it helped keep me spinning efficiently and comfortably.  I leap frogged with a few people through the first loop, passed a few (including someone that I noticed was in my age group--our ages were marked on our calves), and got passed by some.  For the most part though, I was out there by myself.

And I loved it.  I loved cruising down the hills.  I loved pushing through the uphills and spinning through the flats.  Anytime a negative "I'm tired" thought crept in, I remembered MacKenzie's words of wisdom: "Any time I get grumpy on the bike, I know I need to eat something."  So I did just that, and the negative thoughts slipped quietly and quickly away.

As I began to tire just a bit towards the end of the first big loop, I passed by my cheer squad and was immediately pepped to pedal hard through the lower loop.  The time passed quickly and before I knew it, I was passing back by my cheer squad on my way to the second upper loop and over halfway done.

Now, I've read other bloggers who have done these types of races, and everyone talks about how "before I knew it, the bike was over!"  During my training, I did not at all believe this to be possible.  The bike is the longest, most grueling part of the race.  You are on the bike for hours. How on earth could it pass by "before you know it."  But as I cruised through the race, I began calculated time and mileage in my head.  I realized how much faster I had been going than I had thought.  As I hit miles 40 and 45 and 50 with legs still feeling strong, I began to realize that it's actually kind of true.  I had been on the bike for 3 hours already and it certainly didn't feel like that.

Not to say I wasn't tired.  I was.  But I wasn't exhausted.  I still had some strength in me, which I hadn't expected.  I had expected to be absolutely spent after the bike.  But instead, I was energized and excited to get out and run.  I was more than halfway through this race.

In the last 4-5 miles though, I did start to feel it.  I ate a little more and kept telling myself that I was almost there.  About a mile or so from the finish, I passed some of my cheer squad, Dorothy and James, and as I heard Dorothy's cow bell I suddenly felt the last burst of strength I needed to get through that final mile.

All of a sudden I was coming in to the bike finish through the cheers of the rest of my cheer squad, dismounting the bike, and heading in to transition to tackle the last little bit of the race.

My bike splits.  I don't think I ever averaged anything close to 17 or
18 miles an hour for training rides.  My legs found some sort of
strength they'd never felt before.

The Run (13.1 miles):

Anticipated Run Time: I gave myself a huge window on this because I had no idea how I'd be feeling.  I figured somewhere between 2 and 2.5 hours.

Actual Run Time: 2:16:35

Feeling surprisingly strong coming off the bike--no weird transition aches
or pains as I had expected.

As I got off the bike, I was nervous about the run.  The last taste of solo racing I'd had in running was my not-so-fun Seattle Rock N Roll Marathon.  And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of what my mind was going to do to me during this half marathon.  I felt like I got stuck in a negative rut during my last marathon, and it wasn't a place I liked.  I'm scared of being in that place again and desperately wanted to avoid it during this race.

So I listened to my cheer squad as they sent me off on the run and tried to keep them in mind as I pushed through.  I also reminded myself that I had made it through the swim and the bike.  The run was nothing new to me.  Just a half marathon...I've done a couple handfuls of those in the past.  I could do this.

Look at me.  Running.  It's what I do.

To be honest, I was about 95% sure all along that I was going to finish this race (barring any major injuries, catastrophes, or bike malfunctions).  I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything, but I knew I had put in my training (even if I felt I had slacked a little in taper), and I've learned over 5 marathons that I have enough fight in me to drag myself across the finish line, despite how I may be feeling.  As I started on the run, it wasn't "finishing" that I was worried about, it was just exactly how much it would hurt.

The first couple of miles, I felt great.  I even had to slow myself down a little, reminding myself that I did in fact have a half marathon ahead of me.  Not exactly your typical run--and my body had already been through a lot that day.  I took a potty break in the second mile (quite proud of myself to be hydrated enough to need to pee, yay me).  I ran through the first 7 miles, only stopping to walk through the water stops and stay hydrated.

But by about mile 7.5, I could feel the negative thoughts creeping in.  So I took a reality check.  This was not a normal half marathon.  I did not need or want to run this in any sort of record time.  I was out on this course with 2 goals: to finish and have fun.  Pushing myself miserably through a half marathon was not a goal for the day.  So I gave myself permission to walk.  For the next couple miles, I ran when I wanted to and walked when it hurt too bad.  I continued walking the water stops.  I walked most of the few hills on the course.  And in the end, I was happier for it.

The run course itself was not the greatest.  It was basically a bunch of out and backs and turn arounds that felt like they had just been trying to fill in the mileage where they could.  There wasn't anything particularly pretty about it, and a large section of it repeated the lower loop of the bike course.  Also, none of the roads were closed down for any portion of the bike or run course, which meant we were restricted to the shoulder of roads.  On the bike, this was fine.  But on the run, this meant I was running on a severely canted road shoulder.  By about mile 5, I was already feeling a pain in my right hip and a cramp in my right hamstring because of the uneven surface.  All in all, I wasn't impressed.

But that didn't mean I was going to let myself be grumpy about it.  I ate some GUs, tried to stay hydrated in the sun that finally broke through clouds about halfway through the run, and worked on keeping only positive thoughts in the forefront of my mind.

At about mile 11, I hit the final stretch back into the park and couldn't wait to see my cheer squad.  As I entered the park around mile 11.5, they were there in full force as loud as they could be.  And I couldn't help but smile and be relieved.  They were just what I needed to push through the last mile and a half.  I might have teared up a bit in the next half mile or so just thinking about how great that felt.

Which was good, because the last mile and a half was not easy.  It was a trail that looped around the lake we had swam in earlier that day.  Initially I had been excited, thinking it would be a great way to end the race, but I was wrong.  It you are at all familiar with Discovery Park's Loop Trail (gravelly up and down and up and down), this is exactly what it was.  The gravel, roots, and large rocks that stuck out in the path were an accident waiting to happen on fatigued, wobbly legs.  And the steep inclines and declines wreaked havoc on my joints.  There was a lot of walking.

My run splits, obviously decreasing in pace.  However, I find my
run time to be very significant.  I ran a 2:16 for my first first half
marathon back in 2009.  It seems only fitting that I do the same here.

As I rounded the last quarter mile, I could hear the finish.  I passed the 13 mile marker and came out of the trees, all I could hear was my friends screaming as loudly as they could.  I threw my hands in the air and booked it through the finish, feeling more proud of myself than I have in too long of a time.

Look at me fly.

Anticipated finish time: 7:00:00

Actual finish time: 6:27:29

Post Race:
During the last 4 miles of the run, all I could think about was how much I wanted my finish line beer and how badly I wanted to get my sore legs and hips back into that cool water.

So that's what I did as soon as I could after
crossing the finish line.

HLM Sierra had come equipped with 2 bottles of champagne and some OJ to share with the cheer squad (knowing that champagne is a post-race staple for me).  She prepped those as I soaked, and then we all toasted the finish.

After getting out of the water, I ate some post-race food while enjoying my late afternoon mimosa.  Ironman Jason came running up to inform me that I had placed 3rd in my division, which was a pretty exciting added bonus.

There may have been only 8 girls in my division, and only
5 that crossed the finish line, but I still got a bronze medal!
I think it counts for something...

We all hung out long enough to watch Emmie cross the finish line and then started the trek back north to Seattle.

Two half Iron finishers and an amazing group of friends.

And on the way back home, I couldn't help but think back on the day and conclude that I met both my goals.  I finished.  And I had fun.  And it was all because I wasn't out there alone.  I knew every step of the way that I had some massive support behind me.  So I smiled the whole way through and the whole ride home, and the whole night after as we celebrated with a few drinks back at my local bar.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty amazing day.

FAQs:

I've gotten two FAQs since finishing the race, so in case you're wondering too, here are the answers.

1) Was it really easier than a marathon? My answer for this one is convoluted.  Physically, no.  It was just as difficult as a marathon.  Mentally, yes.  The race is broken up into 3 different segments that break it up into manageable parts.  Instead of going out and just running for hours, you get to focus on different sports, transitions, etc.  So I guess the answer to this is yes and no.

2)  Are you going to do a full now?  And the answer to this one: I don't know.  I would eventually like to hold that Ironman title, and I think it would be amazing to complete one, but I just don't know that I'm ready.  Training for this half was difficult.  It was time consuming.  It was mentally overwhelming.  And I wasn't working for most of the time.  In the last two weeks while back at work, I've struggled to fit in even my taper workouts.  In order to train for a full, I would have to give up the rest of my life.  And to be frank, while I love training and my training life, I also love the rest of my life.  I'm just not ready to say goodbye to everything else for 6 months to a year.  Maybe a couple years down the road, that will be different.  But for right now, it's not.

That said, I do think I would do another half.  Because after doing this one, I'm beginning to think of all the things I could improve on.  And isn't that how I got addicted to marathons?

But right now, I have other things to focus on.  A new year of teaching.  A new adventure of coaching for TNT.  And simply trying to enjoy my life as it is now.

Because if this weekend proved anything to me, it's that my life is pretty great.  Not because of me, but because of all the other people that are in it.

So once again, THANKS!

I couldn't have done it without you.

It's almost here, so let's ignore it

In exactly 48 hours, I hope to be hobbling my way 2 blocks down the road to my local bar to celebrate the completion of my next big endurance challenge with all of my wonderful friends who supported me (whether from near or far).  With the upcoming half-Ironman looming over my head, I have a laundry list full of worries coursing through my brain.

But I've done my training to the best of my physical, mental, and time-constrained ability.  I put in my best effort.  I gave what I had to give.  I even put in my time practicing changing tires.

I broke a total of 3 levers in the process, but I can now take
the tire off the rim, remove the tube, replace the tube, and
then replace the tire in 5 minutes and 13 seconds.

#proof.

I also scared the crap out of my poor little pup
when I opened the valve on the tire and the air
came hissing loudly out.  It took quite a while to
coax her (and by "coax," I mean pick her up and
remove her) from the kitchen.

So with all of it said and done, what will be will be.

I have just one goal for this race:  Finish!

Actually, I lied. Two goals:  Finish and have fun!

Instead of regaling you with the awful and graphic details of everything I'm freaking out about right now, I figured...let's just ignore it.

Instead, let's talk about something that has absolutely nothing to do with triathloning or marathoning (well, it might sneak in there, but only just a bit).  I want to talk about turning 30.

Lately, my Facebook newsfeed and overbooked calendar seems to be filling up with 30th birthday celebrations.  I've already been to a few.  As as I think about my encroaching 30th birthday (in just over 4 months), I can't help but be cheesy and reflect back up on these 30 years of living.  And as I do, I start to wonder just what exactly is it I have left to do before I'm 30.

So being the person that I am, I decided to set a challenge for myself.  Because after this race is over, I'm not going to be training for anything in particular for quite some time.  I'm going to have some spare time on my hands where it won't be the end of the world if I don't go for that run just this once.  I'd like to fill that time with other productive and useful things.

Here's the new challenge:

30 Things I'd Like to Do Before I'm 30 that I've Never Done Before

I started thinking about formulating this list a while ago and have had some stray thoughts in my head for a few weeks.  However, whenever I tried to actually formulate a list, I found it pretty difficult.  I could come up with a quick 10, but after that I was lost.

And I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of having a hard time coming up with 30 things I've never done.  That means I've done a lot.  Which is a testament to how I've chosen to live these 30 years of life.  For example, some things that I couldn't add to my list of "things I've never done" include:

1)  Move across the country for no other reason except to find happiness
2)  Find a job that you love and are fulfilled by
3)  Run a marathon (or 5)
4)  Do something that terrifies you (see items 1 and 3)

All in all, I'm pretty proud of how I've lived these near 30 years.

But I'm not done.

There's so much left to live and so much more to do.

So as I was planning my list and realizing that it was going to be quite difficult, I turned to Facebook for help.  Because people are always so willing to provide suggestions on Facebook.  The only limitations I set: ideas must be reasonable and achievable in the next 4 months.

I got some interesting suggestions (my favorite being "buy a toaster," which did make the list--see this post for an explanation if you need one).  I got some that were just funny, some that made me feel uncomfortable, and some that were quite frankly simply unaffordable (unfortunately, when I found that job that I love and am fulfilled by, it didn't really pay much).  But I also got some pretty good ones.  I added them to my own, and here is what I ended up with:

1) Do a half Ironman.  This may be cheating because it was already on the books, but I count it.
2) Get my tattoo.  I tried to this summer, but the place/artist I chose has been really disappointing.  So now I'm looking elsewhere for quality work/service.
3) Take a cooking class.  Simple enough.
4) Volunteer at a women's and/or homeless shelter.  Community service is good for me.
5) Take a road trip to somewhere new.  Ideas?
6) Publish a short story to the blog.  I wrote some this summer.  I need to work up the nerve to make them public.
7) Ride the Ducks in Seattle.  I've ridden them in Boston, but not here.  I've heard they're a hoot.
8) Run the Golden Gardens stairs.  This sounds horrible, miserable, and torturous, but it is something I feel the need to eventually do.
9) Do a mud run.  Pineapple Classic, anyone?
10) Buy a toaster.  Mentioned above.
11) Take a dance class.  I love being spun around the dance floor.  Any tall men out there want to be my partner?
12) Get 8 hours of sleep every night for a week straight.  This one was my idea.  I want to know if it's humanly possible.
13) Get rid of horrible commute/be brave and start a new job.  Yes, I've already done this but I think it's recent enough and life changing enough to warrant making the list.
14) Walk a dog at a dog shelter.  I know just which TNT coach I'm going to talk to about making this happen.
15) Make a delicious baked item.  I love cooking.  I simply don't have the patience for baking.  I'm going to steal some of my "teaching patience" and give it to my "baking patience."
16) 30 random acts of kindness.  I think this is going to be harder than it sounds.  What qualifies as a random act of kindness?
17) Be a coach for TNT.  I think I've got this one in the bag.
18) Go to the top of the Space Needle.  I've lived in Seattle for over 5 years and have yet to do this.
19) Hike to Camp Muir with Yanni.  Yanni is an amazingly strong, fabulous, and sparkly cancer survivor that I will be racing in honor of this weekend.  I want to hike 10,000 feet with her.  I just hope we can find that time before the weather turns gloomy.
20) Cook something new.  Perhaps this will happen simultaneously with the cooking class?
21) Make a list of 40 things to do before I'm 40.  With 10 years ahead of me, that could be a much more interesting list than this one.
22) Run one more half marathon.  I've done 9.  Why not round it out at 10?  Seattle Amica half, here I come.
23) Try a new sport.  This might be hard considered the gloomy days of Seattle will be fast upon us.  I'm surprised they aren't already.  Suggestions for this are welcome (and I'm a snowboarder who has also tried skiing, so neither of those work). Oh, snowshoeing!!  Who wants to go snowshoeing??  Speed walking was suggested, but I think I'd have trouble keeping a straight face.
24) Try a new cuisine.  I've eaten quite a large variety of cuisines.  I'd be interested to see how I can expand my palate.  Must be "mostly vegetarian" friendly.
25) Watch a meteor shower.  I looked this up.  There's one that peaks the night of January 2nd.  I'm on winter vacation so it's totally doable.
26) Volunteer for Make a Wish.  I would love to volunteer to this organization and help kids in a different way from my everyday role.
27) empty
28) empty
29) empty
30) Skydive!!  This is last on the list because it is the one that I absolutely want to do the most and is the only costly one that I'm willing to put in the investment for.  I won't be doing this by myself.  Who's with me?

So there it is.  The project I have set before myself for the next 4 months.  And there are three empty slots.

Here's what I need from you:  help!  Whether you help fill those 3 empty slots with ideas or volunteer to have fun while accomplishing one of these oh-so-burdensome tasks with me, I need help.  I don't want to do any of these things alone.  That just wouldn't be any fun.

Leave a comment--either here or on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social venue is out there.  Volunteer for an excellent cause :)  Help me cross every one of these things off my to-do list!

Thirty better watch out, I'm coming in strong.

I'm thankful for...

As I drove home from spin class tonight contemplating the happenings of the past week or so, I couldn't help but realize that I have a a lot to be thankful for.  So, with no further delay, in no particular order, and for no particular reason, here is a list of all the things I'm thankful for at this moment in time:

1)  I'm thankful I'm in taper!  Normally taper is not a time I get excited.  The pre-race taper is usually filled with pent-up angst creating anxiety about the necessity to not run as hard and fast as I can.  While I'm still experiencing my typical tapertime anxiety, it's for completely different reasons.  Right now, I am worried about not getting enough training in.  I've had two 3-day weekends out of town in a row and I'm also back at work full time now.  Squeezing in all the workouts I need to (even though they're taper workouts) has been really tough.  I can't say I've been successful at getting it all done.  But here's what I've learned during my previous taper experiences: it's okay.  Everything is going to be okay.  I got my training in.  I am ready for this race.  I will fit in what I can in the next week and a half (eek!), but I'm not going to worry too much about missing workouts.  Because it's tapertime.  And it's ok.

And I'm trying really hard to believe the above line of thinking.

Cue anxiety.

Moving on...

2)  I'm thankful for a wine-filled weekend in Portland.  While I didn't get all my workouts in, I did a different marathon of sorts.  That involved lots and lots of wine.

In incredibly beautiful places (Dundee Hills wine country just outside Portland).

It was just the kind of therapy I needed to have one last hurrah for the summer and then buckle down for school to begin.

Yes and yes again.

And now the wine corner of my kitchen looks like this:

Perhaps it's time to invest in a wine rack that's made for more than 3 bottles?
Although I should probably get that toaster first...

3)  I'm thankful for my HLM.  The reason for the wine trip to Portland was to celebrate the onset of HLM Sierra's final year of her 20's.  We went down visit with her family (my West Coast family), dragged a couple other friends along, and spent a wonderful weekend doing wonderful things with some of the people I love most.

Happy Birthday Si-Murph!!  It's going to be a great year.

4)  I'm thankful that the first day of school is over.  Today was the first day of school.  While this excites me, I have to be honest and say that the first day of school is my absolute least favorite day of the whole year, from the teacher perspective.  I have to sit and talk at the kids all day, which is not something I typically like to do throughout the school year.  I have to admit that I can't blame the kids when I hear complaints of boredom on the first day.  It is boring.  There is no intellectual stimulation the entire day as we sort supplies, review routines, and discuss the realities of being back at school.  And no matter how many years I teach 1st grade (this will be #8), I always forget just exactly how small and kindergartner-like they are in the first weeks of school.  I have to retrain my brain and remind myself that in just a couple of weeks they will be growing by leaps and bounds, which is the beauty of 1st grade and why I love it as much as I do.  Everything just gets better from here.  And that's an amazing thought to have for the rest of the year.

5)  I'm thankful to be back at work.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love my summers off.  I wouldn't give them up for the world.  But there's something about being back in the routine of work that eases my obsessive-compulsive soul.  Life feels normal again when my Monday-through-Fridays are back to their typical routine.  It's also nice to have something else to think about besides the constant self-obsessed running dialogue in my head.

6)  I'm thankful for dogs (but one dog in particular).  All dogs are amazing.  In Portland this weekend, with all the people that gathered for the wine-filled birthday festivities, we acquired quite a pack at Sierra's dad's house.

Clockwise from bottom left: Rex, Lucy, Dexter, Jackson.  So much puppy love.

But while I love and admire all dogs, there is one that I love the mostest (Mr. Spell Check doesn't like the word "mostest."  Neither does my own grammatical squiggly line, but in my book this word is appropriate when talking about lovable things).

In the car en route to PDX.  It was at a stoplight.  And Lucy looks very gray
here.  I got an email from the vet that very day telling me that Lucy is officially
a senior citizen.  I am trying not to freak out about that.

Whenever I take Lucy to places out of her comfort zone, my love for her grows exponentially.  For so many reasons.  When I am away from home, it is a huge treat to be able to have her by my side.  No guilty mommy feelings.  No feeling like a sap for being somewhere on vacation having fun but at the same time missing my pup.  And, every time I take Lucy somewhere lately, I get more and more proud of her maturity.  Up until this point in her life, I haven't really ever trusted her off leash.  But this weekend at the West Coast family's house, I allowed her to roam free whenever I was out in the unfenced yard with her, and she did wonderfully.  She made me a proud mama.

7)  I'm thankful for strong swim/bike/run muscles.  One of the benefits of not getting all my workouts in while I've been off gallivanting in Whistler and Portland or prepping the classroom for the kiddos is that my legs are feeling very rested.  Yesterday after making final preparations for the little ones, I headed to Evans Pool (no more Green Lake open water swimming this season...apparently the "toxic algae" has made it's way back into the waters) and felt great swimming laps for 45 minutes.  Then I decided to do a quick run looping the lake and accidentally averaged the run at an 8:17 without feeling like I pushed that hard.  Today after work I went to a spin class and felt stronger than I have in weeks.  All this combines to help me feel ready for next weekend.  T minus 11 days until race day.  I can do this.

8)  I'm thankful for smartphones and fantasy football.  I've done fantasy football once before.  It was fun, but that year we all decided to autodraft.  Yesterday I got to experience the live draft on my iPhone while walking Lucy before my swim/run (talk about multitasking!).  It went so smoothly and I'm quite amazed by the whole process.  I'm also excited to be in a fantasy league again this year, because I feel like my football knowledge/excitement has waned in the past few years.  This will help me to regain my love for and understanding of football that I so happily attained in my first years in Seattle.

Any suggestions for fun team names are welcome (our league is called the Lovely Lady League, because we're all lovely ladies of course).  I'm still undecided and feeling a lack of creativity.

9)  I'm thankful for the anticipation of life calming down for a bit.  This summer was really busy.  I felt like I was constantly on the go, especially in the past month or so.  Despite the fact that I wasn't working, I managed to keep myself ridiculously busy.  Is it weird that going back to work is going to calm down my hectic schedule for a bit?  I think I'm just better at saying no to excess extracurriculars when I'm working.  My decompression days become a necessity because without them the repercussions affect my ability to do my job, which in turn affects the lives and success of the little ones in my classroom.

Although I'm finding all the dots on my
calendar for the month of September to be
a little worrisome.

10)  I'm thankful for new adventures.  A new class.  A new school.  New coworkers.  A new role as coach for TNT.  A new life balance as I happily say goodbye to my long commute.  So many new adventures and challenges await.  As my "new girl" worries have subsided in the past few days, I've come to realize that this is a really great adventure I'm on.

I can't wait to see where it takes me.

I'm ready to get this done

I'm about ready for this triathlon to just go ahead and get here.  It would have been absolutely perfect if this race were timed just about 2 weeks earlier.  Not to say that I'm not excited.  I am.  But I'm ready to be done with training already.  I'm more than ready to put away my swim cap and bike helmet for the season.  They've served me well, but I could do without them until next summer.

It's different with running.  While I certainly have my ups and downs with running, I never just decide I'm "done for the season."  Running is always and will always be here, as long as I have any say in it.  With swimming and cycling, I'm definitely starting to get that feeling.  Yesterday I went for a swim in Green Lake and just didn't have the mental capacity to go longer than 20 minutes (probably a little over a half mile...I forgot my watch).  I just couldn't help but think, I don't want to be doing this right now.

The novelty of tri training has kind of worn off, and I'm realizing that it's really time consuming, tiring, and very mentally tough.  I've definitely enjoyed everything (well, almost everything) up until this point, and I couldn't be happier with the way I spent my summer.  But summer is now over and I'm ready for tri training to be over too.

However, I've only been feeling this way since I started going back to school this week.  It probably has a lot to do with the fact that it is simply time to start putting all my focus into my new job adventure, and trying to experience two separate adventures at once is becoming a little overwhelming.

That said, I've really enjoyed all of the training I've been doing this summer.  I've learned a ton about myself as a cyclist.  Especially in the past couple weeks, as I've been attending a once a week spin class (at Beautiful Bike in Fremont, check it out).  The instructor has been incredibly helpful with advice on form, breathing, and how to climb hills on the bike.  I'm feeling stronger than ever.  In fact, in the last class, he reminded me to just "enjoy how fit you are."  No one's ever really told me to do that before.  I'm strong right now, and instead of stressing about worries for the race, I should be enjoying all this work I've done and the end result.

So, while I sit here snuggling with Lucy and basking in the glory of my fitness, let me tell you about two very enjoyable bike rides I had this week.  They were enjoyable for entirely opposing reasons, but still enjoyable nonetheless.

She's being extra snuggly right now because there's a
mostly packed suitcase in the bedroom.  She dislikes that
very much.

1)  The "Aussie Style" Brick.  I'm not really sure where this name comes from or why, but that's what Ironman Jason called it, so I'm going with it.  Before I explain, let me tell you about Magnolia (if you've followed the blog since the beginning, this is a much different description of Magnolia than was put forth when describing my Boxcar days).  Magnolia is a very hilly, large peninsula on the west side of Seattle.  It is a beautiful neighborhood, parts of which overlook the Sound and include a large, tucked away park that feels like it could be out in the middle of nowhere, not in a large city.  Back when I lived in Magnolia, I had lots of running loops throughout the neighborhood, the longest of which was a 5.5 mile loop that skirted the bluff, was one of my favorite runs, and still is to this day.

There's also a similar bike loop through the neighborhood, which if you follow the path that Ironman Jason and I did, is exactly 7.8 miles and includes 846 feet of elevation gain.  If you go counterclockwise around the loop, you have a couple short, steep climbs, and a good amount of downhill relief.  Clockwise means the opposite: long, slow climbs and short steep downhills.  As Jason put it: counterclockwise is a strengthening ride and clockwise is an endurance ride.  Both good and both challenging in their own rights.

On Monday morning, Ironman Jason and I parked over in Magnolia with bike gear and running shoes in tow, ready to attack the most challenging brick workout I've ever done (really the only one, aside from some 15 minute runs after a bike ride or some post swim runs).  Jason's car was our "transition" area between legs of the workout.

So here's the gist of the "Aussie Style" brick we did:
1)  3 bike loops (counterclockwise) = 23.3 miles, 2,385 feet of elevation gain, in 1 hour 31 mins.
2)  10 min run = 1.14 miles @ 8:36 pace
3)  2 bike loops (clockwise) = 15.9 miles, 1,878 feet of elevation gain, in 1 hour 8 mins
4)  20 min run = 2.02 miles @ 9:03 pace
5)  1 bike loop (counterclockwise) = 7.8 miles, 846 feet elevation gain, 33 mins
6)  30 min run = 3.22 miles @ 8:34 pace

Total time: 4.5 hours
Total bike miles: 47
Total run miles: 6.38

This workout was the most mentally and physically challenging thing I've done since my last marathon (although it doesn't come close to how mentally challenging that marathon was).  The first 3 loops on the bike felt great.  As hilly as Magnolia is, I ride it often and sincerely enjoy it.  After that though, on the first run, my hip kept seizing up from the transition, and I didn't really feel all that good.  It seemed to mostly fade by the end though, and I crossed my finger it wouldn't come back for the next 2 runs.

On the middle bike leg, I got tired of slow hill climbs very quick and decided in the first loop that I like the counterclockwise loop MUCH better than clockwise.  It felt like the hills never ended and I didn't get that much recovery time on the downhills because they were so short.  Plus, I'm still not really comfortable with steep downhills on the bike.  I get visions of tumbling headfirst with a disastrous end.

For the middle, 20 minute run my legs felt a lot better, but for some reason we decided to head off in a direction that took us on a 200 foot climb up for a mile and then we turned around and ran back down.  We ran the second mile a full minute faster than the first.

On the last loop on the bike, I believe there was a point where I told Jason that I was "about ready to kill him" for making me do this, or something to that extent.  My legs were shot and we still had a 30 minute run ahead of us.  But we finished on a downhill, so that was somewhat redeeming.

The last run was tough.  We went 15 minutes out, and both of us were exhausted.  It felt like those were the longest 15 minutes I'd experience in quite a while (although yesterday's swim seemed pretty similar now that I think about it).  On the way back as our legs warmed up and got used to the running though, we started to pick up speed.  Jason kept spouting off how much faster our current mile was than our last, and I think we were both pretty surprised at the paces we kept at the end of this long, tough workout.

4.5 hours in, I'd say an 8:16 final mile with another speedy burst at the
end is something to be proud of.  I'm sure there was an element of
"I just want to be done" that motivated the speed.

At the end of this workout, I felt the ultimate endurance athlete high.  The "holy crap that was hard but now I feel amazing!" high.  I was exhausted and my knees hated me for the rest of the day and the day after, but I felt more reassured than I ever had about this triathlon thing.  It gave me the mental boost I needed to tell myself that maybe I actually can complete this race.

2)  Flat and easy on the Burke.  The next amazing ride that I had was 2 days later.  I wanted to get out and spin my legs as they continued to recover from the brick workout, so I chose to do a flat out and back from my apartment down to the Burke-Gilman trail (there's still a fairly significant climb to get back up the hill home, but everything else is flat).  I wanted to spend a long day at work, so I woke up early enough to give Lucy her morning walk and be on the bike and out the door by 8 am.  

On the Burke at 8 am, the only bikers out there are commuters heading towards the city, which was the opposite direction from where I was going.  The temperature was perfect and the sky was clear.  With all the angst I'd been feeling at my new job, it was just the peaceful, calm, quiet ride that I needed.  I rode 10 miles out to Matthews Beach and decided that I could gift myself a little bit of extra time and venture down to the actual beach.

As I rolled in, there was literally one other person there, an old man reading a newspaper on a bench.  It seemed classically surreal.  Matthews Beach is usually crowded with activity and people, especially on a beautiful summer day.  But here, at 9 am on a Wednesday morning, it was almost deserted.  I found a post to prop my bike, took a picture, and proceeded to sit there, doing nothing but just be there, for about 25 minutes.

Nothing but blue sky and ducks with their feathery butts in the air as they
reached deep in the water for breakfast.  And crows taking baths.  It kind of
made even those black little creepers seem endearing.

For what seemed like the first time in the last couple weeks, I sat there feeling calm, devoid of the inner dialogue that constantly plagues me.  It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.  Eventually I had to get up and head home again to face the rest of the day, but I carried the calmness with me for the 10 miles back home and even kept it for a few hours in the classroom as I decided that I would finish up what I could that day, and then not allow myself to go into work the next day--calling it my last "official" day of summer.

While this ride was entirely different from my brick workout on Monday, it excited me and rejuvenated me in almost the same way.  At the end, I felt accomplished and ready to take on whatever came next.

So here's what's next: I have a week of professional development days ahead, Labor Day weekend (including HLM's birthday celebrations!), and then it's back to school for the little ones.  I still have 3 more weeks of training to fit in there somewhere, and it seems like there's all too much on my calendar in the coming weeks.

But tomorrow morning, I'm going to finish packing that mostly-packed suitcase that is turning Lucy into a nervous snuggle-muffin right now, put it in the car, and drive up to Whistler to watch Ironman Canada.  This will be the first Ironman I've ever seen in person, and there are a few people I know doing it.  I'll also be spectating with Ironman Joe and Ironman MacKenzie, so I'm excited for a fun weekend away.  It's the only non-staycation vacation I've taken this summer, and I think it'll do me good to step out of real life, if only for a couple days.

I'm also hoping, that by watching this race, my excitement, motivation, and inspiration for doing my half-Iron will be renewed.  It is timed perfectly just 3 weeks before my race as I'm hitting my "I'm done with training" slump.

And maybe I'll come back with some great stories to tell you.

Happy end of summer.

I'm back

I haven't written in a while.  I am completely aware of this fact, and it's been gnawing at me for quite some time.  I'm not going to apologize for my lack of blogging (I mean, really, I don't think anyone out there anxiously holds their breath from one blog post to another), but I do have an explanation for it.

I've thought about writing, but every time I think about trying, it's seemed more like a chore than something I actually wanted to do.  And blogging is something I do because it relaxes me and eases my busy mind.  I'm not going to turn it into a homework project that I feel like "needs" to be done.  I don't want to write something just because I feel like I must.  It would probably turn out crappy anyways because there would be no heart behind it.

I've also been taking a writing class and spending much of my "blogging time" actually working on homework assignments, trying to pretend that I'm a real writer that can write fiction and stuff.  It's been a challenge and fun and has given me a lot to think about in regards to what I want to accomplish in the world of writing (and perhaps even publishing...eek).

And then there's this: in the past couple of weeks I feel like I've been experiencing an extreme range of emotions I haven't experienced in quite some time.  And when I sit to think about spilling my current life updates onto an internet page, I've been slightly worried about just what exactly might come pouring out.  So ignoring it has been a bit of an escape.  I've sat down at the computer quite often in my free time lately, but instead of typing in my blogger address as I typically would, I've found myself typing "netflix.com" much more often (if you haven't watched Orange is the New Black yet, YOU ARE MISSING OUT).

So upon further thought, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to explain to you how life has been for the past 2 (almost 3) weeks and get this blog thing on a roll again is to walk you through what I've been experiencing, emotion by emotion.

Here's what I've been feeling...

Joy.  It's good to start on a positive note, right?  I've had a lot of reasons to celebrate joy in the past couple of weeks.  Most of them having to do with friends.  Sounders games, happy hours, trips to the zoo, fun swimming at the park, birthday parties (both karaoke and bunny-themed), reading in the sunshine, and Lucy time.  There has been a lot of laughter, a lot of good times, and a lot of fun.

I am happy to announce that I've multiplied the number
of times I've ever sung karaoke by 5 this summer (it was
1 and now is 5).  I don't know if the rest of the world is
happy about that.

How can you not be filled with joy when you are at a
birthday party surrounded by 17 of these little guys?  And
no, it was not a child's birthday.

Grief. Two kids of grief: Grief for a good friend of mine whose grandfather recently passed.  I was unable to attend services and wanted so badly to be there for her and her family, but I had to simply send my thoughts instead.  Also, on a slightly lighter note, grief for my old job.  On August 1st, I said goodbye to Lake Dolloff Elementary School for good.  As excited as I am to get rid of my 30 mile commute, making this transition has been incredibly hard for me.  I'm going to miss my work-home a great deal.  I already do.

The list of reasons why I love this place would make for a
very very long blog post.  And it would involve a lot of teacher
talk, which would bore most of you.

Gratitude.  I have the most amazingly, overwhelmingly generous friends and family.  After walking into my new classroom for the first time a week and a half ago, I realized that I did not have a carpet for my whole class learning area.  I've been wanting a carpet from Lakeshore that I had in NYC when I taught there (a rectangle carpet with 30 squares on it so each kid can have their own square to be in--amazing for classroom management/seating in the carpet area), so I decided to post a request on Donorschoose.org to see if I could get it funded.  Within a day of posting my plea on Facebook with the link to my page, the carpet was fully funded and then some.  HUGE thanks to Yanni, Erica, Ana, Nadine, Aunt Judy, and mom and dad.  All the funds combined were $175 more than what I needed, so I'm going to wait until the school year gets going to see what other materials and supplies I'm going to need.  I'm already thinking about a new set of classroom books for my little kiddos. I always knew that my friends and family were generous people, but I was blown away by the quick and generous response to this request for my little first graders.  You guys are amazing.  *You can see my Donors Choose page here: http://www.donorschoose.org/tessakaplan and keep an eye out for my next project to post!

Inadequacy.  While my triathlon training has been going really well, I've felt a great deal of inadequacy here.  I feel like I simply can't fit in all the workouts, and when I do, I just don't know if I'm doing well enough.  I still don't feel 100% comfortable on the bike and my arms are always tired when I swim.  That said, I am doing everything I can and giving it my all when I get out there.  Here's a snapshot of my training log for the past couple weeks.  The white section is what I should be doing, the colored box below is what I actually did.  I have been switching this up some (flip flopping a run for a swim on some days, and doing my long bike rides on Mondays instead of Fridays), so that's why it doesn't always match up.  The weekly totals are on the right-hand side.

I've been averaging 2 swims, 3 bikes, and 2-3 runs per week.  I wanted to get 3 of each in, but life outside of training exists, so that's been tough.

Pride.  Aside from the above feelings of inadequacy, I am actually very proud of all the training I've been doing.  Since my go-to training buddy Ironman Jason got a part-time summer job, I've been doing the vast majority of this training on my own.  I've been rocking my spin classes lately, getting myself to the pool and/or lake as often as I can, and doing a lot of biking fearlessly on my own.  Even if I haven't been able to fit everything I wanted to in, I still feel like I'm well prepared for my race, which is just a short month away.  No matter how the race goes, I'm proud of how much work I've put into it.

Biking may not be my favorite, but I'm still out there doing it and
enjoying it (most of the time).  I'm proud of that.

Overwhelmth.  I realize that's not a word, but what's the noun for feeling overwhelmed?  I've started attempting to move into my new classroom, and have been faced with a lot of stress and difficulties in doing so.  I tried to move in twice before actually being able to, due to the teacher who was in the classroom before me (who is going on leave for a year) being extremely reluctant to take all of her things out of the classroom (that's an understatement).  I've shed many tears over the situation, and for those of you who know me well, you know I'm not a crier.  At least I didn't used to be--I'm starting to feel like that's changing slightly.  Anyways, it wasn't until today, Sunday, that I actually got to go in and spend 5 hours just working on putting my room together and not dealing with the hassles of what this teacher has been putting me through (although 2 of those 5 hours were spent boxing up her stuff).  I now have 4 days before I officially have to go back to school for training days--you know, the days I'm actually paid for--and I'm feeling a time crunch to get set up that I didn't have any intention of facing this year.  Without this added difficulty, I would have spent the past week and a half setting up and wouldn't be worried about it now.  Aside from this teacher though, everyone else in the new school has been extremely supportive, kind, and welcoming, especially my new principal, office manager, and custodian.  It seems as though once this situation is behind us, this is going to be a great community to be a part of.

Excitement.  So, this is happening:

I'm a coach!!

After completing 5 marathon seasons with Team in Training where I served roles as mentor and captain several times, they actually decided to trust me to train other people to be crazy like me!  I will be coaching Spring season for the Whidbey Island Marathon and Half and the Nike Women's DC Half Marathon.  I am excited beyond belief for this season to get underway in November.  I have had so many inspirational coaches during my seasons with the Team, and I am ecstatic to be able to help others the way that I've been helped in the past.  I'm also working with an amazing group of coaches (including running buddy/coach Erica! Yay, we'll be on the same running schedule again!) that I know I will be able to learn a lot from.  This season is going to be a blast and thinking about it has been helping me get through the past week or so of work stress.  Go Team!

Fear.  So much fear.  Fear about doing this half-Iron distance triathlon.  Fear that I'm not trained enough.  Fear that I'll get a flat tire.  Fear that I'll die out like I did in my last marathon.  Fear of starting a new job.  Fear of the fact that I know things are going to be very different.

Fear of starting a job where I won't have these awesome ladies by my side
every day.

Fear that life might be tough, just for a little bit.  The every-year fear of facing a new class of little ones, not knowing what new challenges this year will bring.  Fear of being uncomfortable in my new position until I get to know my new colleagues.  And other fears too, but I think I've listed enough here.

Supported.  As many fears as I currently have, I know that I am surrounded by an amazing support system.  I mentioned the generosity of my friends and family above.  They are also my support system.  If I'm having a tough day, a good friend is just a phone call (actually, probably more like a text) away.  My running friends have also been incredibly supportive of my triathlon undertaking.  Ironman Jason has been helping me with my training, and everyone else never hesitates to say that they know I will rock it.  A cheer squad caravan is being organized on Facebook (thanks to Dorothy!) to come down and support me during the race.  And I also have my experienced race-day sherpa ready to go.  Thanks Ironman MacKenzie!  She also helped me for a couple hours in my classroom today, which was a huge relief in reducing set-up time anxiety.  And as I said above, all the new co-workers that I've met so far have been nothing but supportive, especially in dealing with the unfortunate classroom situation I'm in.  In all the tough moments no matter the circumstances, I never feel alone.  And of course, there's Lucy too.

Good days or tough ones, this little pup knows exactly what her mama needs.

Despite of the kaleidoscope of emotions I've been feeling in the past few weeks, the is one emotion I have NOT felt:

Regret.  I decided a long time ago that I had no intention of living my life with regrets.  Yes, I've made some tough decisions in the last 6 months or so, but I regret none of them.  I am excited for my race, as inadequate and nervous as I may feel at times.  I know that I made the right decision to take a new job this year, as difficult as the transition has been thus far.  I feel as though I've been on quite the roller coaster ride the past few weeks, but I regret none of it.  This is the path I have chosen for myself and I am happy with it.  It may not be super easy right now, but if it was I would probably be just as uneasy about things.  If you don't set some challenges before yourself every now and again, I don't think that you are fully living.  It is in the struggles that we show our strength and grow our happiness.

Here's to living.  And the fantastic array of emotions that go along with it.