Change has arrived!

Making the decision to change your life isn't easy.  I feel as if this is a lesson I've learned many times.  I have, at several critical points in my life, made the decision to change things in a big way.  In college, as I wandered aimlessly, flip-flopping back and forth between a passion for psychology (understanding people) and writing (understanding myself), I made the very quick and suddenly deliberate decision to become a teacher.  Four years after that, when I realized that there was a gigantic gaping hole in my life, I decided to adopt my Lucy-dog.  A little over a year after that, it occurred to me that I felt like crap and Lucy was crazy, so I decided that we would become runners.  And not too long after that, I acknowledged that New York City and I just didn't get along, so I decided to hop coasts to Seattle.

All of these decisions have resulted in hugely positive effects on my life.  If I could turn back time, I wouldn't change a single one of them.  But that doesn't mean that these changes didn't come along with some major sacrifices.  When I decided to teach, I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be a money-maker.  When I got Lucy, I gave up a little bit of my freedom--being tied to only being away from home for a few hour chunks at a time, which can be limiting to a young 20-something.  When I moved to Seattle, I left my family and a good number of friends behind on the east coast.  And to be honest, there are still times when I miss NYC (just a little).

Change is inherently filled with sacrifice.  Something inevitably must be given up in order to fulfill a new desire.  When the instinctual need to hold on to that which is comfortable and familiar becomes less consuming than the desire for that which is new and different, then you can truly make the decision to change.

And in my humble experience, I've found that the act of making the decision for change is by far much more difficult than enacting the change itself.  I remember the exact moment when I decided to move to Seattle.  I was on a dog walk with my dad over winter break 2007 in Rochester when he helped me realize that this was something I truly wanted.  And it was like a wave of relief.  The months of agonizing, worrying, and weighing pros and cons were suddenly over.  The decision was made.  The rest was "easy."

It took me a really long time, but this year I finally made a decision to change my life again.  Since everything is finally official, I'm excited to finally be able to talk about it here.  I made this decision back in January, and it's been hard to write lately with this looming, life-changing decision hanging over me and not being able to write about it.

I decided to get a new job.  I'll still be teaching, of course.  In fact, I'll still be teaching first grade.  I'll just be doing all that 5 miles from my home now, instead of 30 miles.

Switching jobs may not seem like that huge of a change, but for me it is.  I've been at my current school for 5 years.  Taken into perspective, this also may not seem like that big of a deal, but again for me it is.  Look at it this way: since I left my parents house after graduating from high school in 2002, I have not lived in one place for longer than 2 years.  I lived in 5 different places during my 6 year stint in NYC, and I'm currently on my 3rd place in my 5 years here in Seattle.  That's 8 different apartments in the last 11 years.  I'm a bit of a transient.

So for me, having been in the same school, the same classroom, for 5 years--that's huge.  Lake Dolloff Elementary School has been my home for quite a while now.  My little windowless classroom has really grown on me.  The staff at my school has become my family.  They've helped me grow as a teacher, develop as a leader, and gain confidence in myself.  They've watched my running career develop from my first half marathon in 2009 to my 5th full marathon coming up this weekend.  They're my colleagues, but they've also become my backbone in a number of ways.  And I've made a lot of good (and hopefully lifelong) friends at Lake Dolloff.

Not to mention the kids.  But I feel like that's a given.  While I've had my little challenges, all in all the Lake Dolloff community is pretty great.

So why make the incredibly difficult decision to leave?

I could make a list, but there would only be one item on it:

TIME.

*(and I guess money would be a small, sub-aside too)

Lake Dolloff is 30 miles from my apartment.  Every morning I get in my car at 7 AM, and I'm lucky if I get to work by 7:40.  In the afternoon, I get in my car at 4 PM and am lucky to be home by 4:45.  So added up, on a lucky day, that's one hour and twenty five minutes in the car.  And that's on a really lucky day.

And let's think about that block of time away from home in terms of this one:

My little laundry helper.

On a lucky day, that's 10 hours I'm asking her to hold her bladder and wait around for me.  Can you hold your bladder for 10 hours?  I certainly can't.  Lucy is getting older.  Her 7th birthday was not too long ago, and I'd imagine that in a few years, she's not going to be able to hold it for 10 hours either.  And I don't really want to have to ask her to anymore.

Then there are the days that I have after school meetings or family nights or some other commitment directly after work.  Then I hire a dog walker to come by and let her out for a half hour, which costs me $21 each time.  Those $21 after school meetings (that I'm not getting paid for, by the way) really add up after a while.

And then there's the time in the car.  Time I could spend running.  Or writing.  Or walking Lucy.  Or being with people.  Or reading.  Or doing anything but driving in a car trying my hardest not to fall asleep on I5 (let's not talk about how many times I've literally slapped myself to stay awake).

And the gas.  Let's not talk about the gas either.

So with all the pros and cons added up and evened out, I finally bit my lip and made the extremely difficult decision to look for a job closer to home.  And ever since January, I've started making small transitions in order to get adjusted to the decision (telling my principal in March, telling my colleagues in May, starting to apply for jobs, doings interviews, easing myself into thoughts of packing up my classroom, etc).

And today, officially, I was offered a job.  I was offered the job.  The exact one I'd been looking for.  First grade, a diverse school, a good school district, a seemingly supportive staff, and all just 5 miles from home.  In the words of almost everyone I've told: "You could run there!!"  Finally getting the job is a huge weight off my shoulders and I couldn't be more ecstatic about how it worked out.

Lucy happy face.  This is exactly how I feel too.

It will be a big change.  But I'm ready to make the sacrifice.  It's time.

I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.

In the meantime, I've got a marathon to run in 3 days.  Time to stop procrastinating and start thinking about that...