Why I write

Back when I started this blog about a year and a half ago, people would often ask me, "Why are you writing it?"  And I could never come up with a succinct, coherent answer for them.  I still get asked the question every now and again, and up until very recently, I couldn't quite articulate my reasons in a way that seemed logical.

Not that I think anyone needs a coherent, succinct, logical reason for writing a blog (or anything else for that matter), but I'm a person of the type that likes to find the "why" behind things.  I like to think there's a reason for everything, and therefore I should have a reason for this.

There's a reason I didn't run today (my legs and abs are ridiculously sore from our after school boot camp on Monday that is now being led by our P.E. teacher.  Then I ran yesterday for the 2nd time since Goofy.  Crazy sore).

There's a reason I became a teacher (because I love learning and want to share that love with the children).

There's a reason I got Lucy (because she's fabulous and she got me running).

There's a reason I moved to Seattle (actually, lots of reasons...too many to list).

There's a reason why I'm closing in on 30 and still single (currently looking for the reason but I know it's there somewhere...it'll turn up at some point).

There's a reason for everything.

So when I randomly stumbled upon this quote a few days ago, the reason why I write became abundantly clear:

"A writer writes not because [s]he is educated but because [s]he is driven by the need to communicate.  Behind the need to communicate is the need to share.  Behind the need to share is the need to be understood.  The writer wants to be understood much more than [s]he wants to be respected or praised or even loved.  And that, perhaps is what makes [her] different from others."     ~Leo Rosten

 Every word of this quote resonates with me.  "To be understood..."  It is all I ever wanted.

Writing is something I have always loved.  I kept journal after journal after journal from elementary school all the way up through college (sometimes in fits and starts in the later years).  In middle school, I wrote almost daily.  In high school, I wrote when I was sad or scared.  In college, I wrote when I was lonely or angry at New York City.  Before I realized that teaching was my calling, I was going to minor in Creative Writing in college.  Writing has always been with me.  But until reading that quote, I didn't quite get why.

I still have many of my diaries, journals, and writings saved in random places throughout my apartment.  Stacks of journals in drawers, notebooks filled with random thoughts and poetry on shelves, computer files full of "stories" and "books" that were attempted but abandoned just as quickly.  And when I go back to read all of these writings, the one thing that stands glaringly out is that I have always been a girl who silently screamed out to be understood.  "Please hear me," and "please understand" are phrases repeated hundreds of times on those pages.

I wanted to be heard.  I wanted to be listened to.  But I didn't know how to reach out.  I was too scared to say it all out loud.  So instead I told the pages.  Instead, I became a writer, trying to put my thoughts into words that people could understand, eventually, maybe, if they wanted to.  But the problem with all the pre-blog writings was that I knew no one would ever read them.  No one would ever really understand.

And until recently, I never even considered myself a writer.

But then, 16 months ago, for reasons unbeknownst to me at the time, I started writing this blog.  I used running and my little Lucy as a way to get it all out.  I therapeutically told the story of me, and Lucy, and how we started running together.  And how we upended our lives and moved to Seattle.

Remember us?  Driving across the country?  Changing
our lives?  Well, Lucy didn't have much say in it.  But
she was totally along for the ride.

And then, when the story was over.  I kept writing.  I kept telling the story.  I keep telling the story.  It's the Never Ending Story (love that movie).  And I have no intention of stopping any time soon.  I hope you're all OK with that.

Because what's great about this blog is that I get to be me.  Utterly and truly me.  And finally, I feel like I get to be understood.  I get to be selfish without feeling guilty.  Because if you like it, great.  Stick around.  Continue to enjoy.  And if you don't, that's ok too.  There are other things out there that will probably be much more to your liking.  No one's forcing you to be here.

But while I'm being selfish, I'm going to go ahead a make a list.  A list of...

Everything I've Gotten from Writing this Thing

1)  Understanding.  Of course this is the top of the list.  Go read the quote.  This is everything.  The best kind of understanding I've gotten is from my family.  Being home for Christmas and having my parents at the Goofy Challenge with me helped me to see that they really seem to understand why it is I do all this running.  And what it entails.  And I love that they understand.  I love that it helps them (and all of you) to understand me just a little bit more.

2)  Guilt-free Lucy bragging.  My puppy is really cute.  She is the cutest ever.  She is the bestest dog in the whole wide world.  I love Lucy.  Lucy.  Lucy.  Lucy.

Here's Lucy 3 months old on the day I got her.  OMG SO CUTE.  Look at
that ginormous ear.

3)  I get all my running talk out.  I like to talk about running.  I like to retell the events of my runs in logical detailed order.  When I do it here, it prevents me from talking incessantly to all of my friends about running.  It allows me to talk about other things with my friends.  So that my friends will stay my friends.  And not say "UGH!! All she does is talk about running!!"  "And Lucy!  I get it, she's cute, enough!"  If you get sick of my running and Lucy talk, you can leave and I'll never know.

4)  I get to write and people will read it.  I love words.  I love playing with them and stringing them together in a logical order that sounds and feels good.  I like creating images and writing in a way that happens to keep people involved in the story.  It's an amazing feeling to have people read your writing and actually enjoy it.  As previously mentioned, I've written a lot in my life but never felt the justification of having people read it.  And enjoy it.  It makes me feel kind of like a writer.

5)  It's a good time filler.  I need my alone time on a regular basis.  I could spend my alone time watching TV or doing some other useless thing.  Instead I'm writing.  And thinking.  And feeling.  And breathing.  And living.

6)  I'm inspiring people.  I must say, this is something I NEVER intended to do at the start of this whole writing experiment.  I wanted to share my experiences, my life, and my inspiration.  I wanted to talk about my running and how it gets me through the day to day of life.  If I ever got discouraged by running or sad about something, I wanted to be able to look back and remember why I kept running.  Why I kept pushing and trying and striving to do more and be better.  I wanted to be able to remember why I should keep doing it.  But it turns out, this inspires other people too.  I've never considered myself an "inspirational" person, but if what I write can help people feel motivated to get up and do more and improve their lives in some way, I am thrilled to have been a part of that.

So, there you go.  In case you're like me and need to know the "why" of things.  There's the why.  There's why Doggedly Running came into existence and continues to grow with my words.  One day I may reach my catharsis.  I may decide, "Ok, that's enough.  I've written it all."  But I highly doubt that day will come along any time in the near future.

So in the mean time, I hope you stick around for the ride.  I oh-so-selfishly want you here with me for all the ups and downs and in betweens.  And maybe..just maybe...you'll glean something from it too.