What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I've always loved that quote.  It made perfect sense to me at a very young age and still does.

Then Kelly Clarkson put it in a song, which I consider to be the anthem of my life:

And then the amazing staff and children at Seattle Children's Hospital put this together, which added a whole new element to it:

I bring this up because lately, I've been feeling pretty strong.  Both physically and emotionally.

I'm not trying to brag here.  There are certainly days when I don't feel strong.  In fact, sometimes there are days where all I want to do is curl up with Lucy and drink lots of wine.

Yes, I did take a selfie of me and Lucy snuggling.  I am not ashamed.

There are way fewer of the not-so-strong days for me now though than there have been in years past.  And when they happen, I let myself feel them.  Because no one can or should be expected to be strong all the time.

There are a couple of reasons why I've felt particularly strong lately.  Here comes a list:

1)  I ran a crappy marathon.  And I didn't let it bring me down.  Yes, there were a few moments during and after the marathon where I felt like I failed just a little.  But I didn't let them last long and I got past them quick.  I could have wallowed in the sorrow of an un-achieved goal, but I chose not to.  I saw it as pointless.  That day just wasn't my day.  Another day will be.

I tried to put my right hand over my heart as I crossed the
finish in honor of those injured in Boston.  You may
notice that's my left hand.  Marathon brain.
It's the thought that counts.  

2)  I got a new job.  It's not the act of getting the new job that makes me feel strong (although it's quite ego-boosting to get the job that you want).  It's the fact that I made the choice to get a new job that makes me feel strong.  I'm a girl who loves to feel comfortable, and I chose to leave my happy comfort behind to give myself a better quality of life.  Driving 30 miles (one way) to work each day did not make me happy, no matter how much I loved that school and that job.  As I slowly pack up my classroom this summer, I get scared thinking about the changes I will face come September.  But I feel strong enough to face those fears.  Because I chose to.

3)  I have my fight back.  After this past marathon, my biggest fear was that I had lost my fight.  This still worries me, but lately my legs have been feeling so strong that the worry is dwindling little by little.  I avoided running after the marathon, sticking to cycling, swimming, paddle boarding--basically anything active I could do that didn't involve running.  I ran with Erica 5 days after the marathon and felt my usual out of breath post-marathon self.  Two days after that, I did a 5 mile solo run and felt a little better but still not great.  But then, 3 days after that, I went for a hilly 6 mile run through Ballard and logged these splits:

It definitely didn't feel like I was going that fast.

The run felt amazing and my legs felt stronger than they have in a long time.  The hills felt like nothing.  However, despite how awesome I felt after the run, I felt like I didn't have to do that much fighting.  It felt too easy.  So then, this past Saturday, I tagged along with Fall Team practice (even though I'm not on that particular Team, I missed them!).  We did close to 10 miles, which included the Stone Ave hill from the bottom of Fremont back up to Green Lake at the tail end (a 200 ft steady climb over a mile and a quarter).  As we were running through the flat section on the Burke in the middle, I felt kind of tired and was worried about the impending hill.  But as soon as I hit the hill at the end, I chose to fight it.  I powered up it and my legs didn't let me down.  Instead of feeling heavier and heavier with each step, they seemed to feel lighter.  By the time I got to the top, I was certainly out of breath but I was surprised it was already over.  I had finally found my fight again.  I crossed my fingers that it wasn't a fluke reappearance.

4)  I'm feeling strong on the bike.  Last year, when I started cycling in early spring, I hadn't really ridden a bike much since I was a kid.  And the kind of cycling I was doing (training for the Seattle to Portland bike ride) was nothing like my enjoyable summertime childhood riding.  Those first couple months of cycling last spring were not my favorite.  I didn't feel strong on the bike, I dreaded hills, and my unmentionables hurt constantly (TMI? Oh well, it's a reality of cycling).  I eventually hit a point where I decided I liked cycling, but it took quite a while.  This summer has been very different.  It took me a little while to get settled in on my first ride, but I quickly got back into things.  I did another ride with Ironman Jason this past Monday and felt the way I felt after months of riding last summer.  Then today, Erica and I embarked upon a 30 miler down to Seward Park and back (at least it was pretty close to 30 miles I think--I failed to use my watch properly a couple times, skewing the mileage.  Oops, I'll get the hang of it).  On today's ride, I felt strong.  I felt fast.  I powered up the near 1,500 ft of elevation we climbed throughout the ride.  I chose to fight the hills.  And I won.  I killed those hills.

Lady bikers.  Watch out.

5)  Swimming...oh swimming.  I've seriously adjusted to open water swimming in Green Lake since last year's first dip in its green waters.  And the thing I really love about swimming is that it always comes back to me so quickly.  It usually only takes 1 or 2 swims to help my weak little arms readjust themselves to the demands of pulling my body through the water.  And then, suddenly, it starts to feel like I never took a break.  I've been on a total of 4 swims in the past 2 weeks and each one has felt better and faster than the last.  On the last one, I chose to push faster and further than any of the others and wound up swimming a mile in just over 30 minutes.  And I proved that it is the GPS, not me, that makes my swims look so sadly askew.

I did not start in the middle of the lake, and I did not get out of the lake
mid-swim. Or do that little turn around and go backwards thing at the end.

Strength can be found in many things, and these are the things that are making me feel strong right now.  And the one theme I've noticed in them all is the element of choice.  Strength comes from the choice to be strong.  I chose not to be brought down by an unfortunate race.  I chose to find a new job.  I chose to fight again, whether it comes to running, cycling, or swimming.  My strength comes from the choice to be and stay strong.   Because it always seems to happen that when I choose to be strong, it turns out that I in fact, am strong.

And I only found that out because I made the choice.

Every morning for the past 5 years at my school, my principal reads an inspirational, life-guiding statement for the day to the kids during morning announcements.  And she always concludes by saying, "Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours."  The context of this is obviously different for elementary school kids, but I've always found it to be relevant to us all.

When you wake up in the morning, you have a choice.  It can be a great day or not.  You can let the tough stuff bring you down, or you can choose to use it to make yourself stronger.

Today, I choose to be strong.  I hope you do too.