To run speedy or not to run speedy...

...should it be a question?

I like to be the fastest.

When driving, I've often heard the comment, "yep, I can tell you're from New York."  I drive in the left lane and when people drive under 10 mph over the speed limit in that lane, I get severely annoyed.  Did you ever see the Pemco ad for the Northwest Profile "Oblivious Left-Lane Occupant"?  One of my biggest pet peeves ever (aside from leaving your blinker on endlessly for no reason...just turn already!).

Even when me and Lucy are out for a leisurely walk, I feel the need to pass people on the sidewalk.  That person 5 blocks ahead?  Yep, I'll catch 'em.  I am sooo the faster walker.  In NYC, I think I could have tried out for the speed-walking event in the Olympics with the paces I had to keep to pass people on those sidewalks.

But with running, things are a little different.  I certainly like to be the fastest.  On some days, like this week, I even like running fast.  On other days though, not so much.  Sometimes running fast feels great.  And sometimes running fast makes me feel like crap.

The term "fast" in running is very relative.  Some bloggers I follow consider "fast" to be a sub-3 hour marathon (actually, I think anyone would consider that fast).  Others consider anything under an 8 min pace to be fast.  Still others happily speed along at anything under a 10 min pace.

Even for me alone speed seems to be a constantly shifting relative term. About a year and a half ago, I was ecstatic if I had a run that averaged under 10 min/mile.  Then a year ago, paces between 9:30 and 9:45 were fast.  6 months ago, 9:15s were my speedy paces.  And then by the end of the summer, I ran under 9s for my speedier runs.  Now?  I consider things closer to 8:30 min/mile to be speedy for me.  Really pushing it is more like an 8:00.

By anyone's standards, I've certainly gotten faster in my years as a runner.  And I don't feel that this trend will stop anytime soon.  I don't really want it to.  It's something I'm quite proud of.  And another thing to add to the list of "Things Tessa Thought She'd Never Do But Did."  Let's take this week's runs as examples.

First, Saturday's long run ended up being 16.6 miles.  I ran with Erica and Annemarie, who's been running with us on our past few long runs.  We averaged a 9:37 pace for the run, but that includes multiple stops at TNT water stops and little chats with the volunteers without stopping the watch.  Looking at the mile averages for any miles that didn't include a water stop, the average ends up being something closer to 8:45 min/mile.  If I could keep that pace up for an additional 10 miles, I'd run a marathon in 3 hours and 49 minutes.  The question is, could I?  Should I?  Why would I?

That's 3 questions.  Moving on.

Wednesday night, Erica and I got together to do our last speed work out for Goofy.  It was raining.  It was cold.  We were tired and grumpy.  But I wanted to get out there and get it done.  And I'm glad I did, because I felt great.  We decided on intervals of 1:3:5:5:3:1.  That means a 10 minute warm up, then running fast for those minutes, with a minute break in between each, then a 10 minute cool down.  I didn't set my watch to split the intervals, so I've only got the mile splits, but here they are:

Intervals happened in miles 2-4 .

Those close to 8 minute paces mean that the actual intervals were faster than that because the "rest" minutes were slower.  When I looked at the splits for this run, I was surprised and beyond happy.  I ran hard, and felt like I could have pushed even harder.

Then today, another day when I wasn't super excited to get out and run, Lucy and I did this:

To some, this doesn't look very speedy, to others it does.  To me,
the jury's out.

Let me say first, that I am very proud of my little Lucy dog for holding these paces with me today.  She is NOT a fan of running fast, but she has slowly gained speed as I have over the past year or so (although she's usually a few paces behind where I want to be).  As a result of this run, she now looks like this:

You obviously can't tell from the picture, but she is deep
in leg-kicking, eye-twitching puppy dreams.

Because I knew I wasn't super excited about today's run, I told myself before I started that I would run the miles to enjoy them today.  No marking my landmarks that tell me how much closer I am to home.  No negative "ugh, I just want to be done" thoughts.  I would relish in the joy of these miles, absorb the steps, feel the pace, and slow down if I got uncomfortable.  Don't look at the watch.  And I'm very happy with seeing the paces of some of those middle miles where I was "running comfortably."  I didn't know I could run comfortably at that speed.

But aye, there's the rub.  Speed and comfort don't always mix for me.  I want to run fast.  But I want to be comfortable and I want to enjoy my miles.  So I guess the question really seems to boil down to "Can I run faster and love running at the same time?"

Sometimes, on days like today or yesterday, I would say the answer is yes.  But other days, not so positive days, I just want to run a 9:00+ pace and be ok with it...not be disappointed with it.

The thought of actively trying to run faster just makes me nervous.  Up until now, my speed has come naturally with my training--I haven't consciously tried to get faster.  It just happened.  But recently, I semi-noncommittally have undertaken a new goal: to run a sub 4 hour marathon in April.  I have a race in mind but am not ready to name it publicly because I'm not quite fully mentally committed yet.

My current marathon PR is 4:18.  I know I can do better than that.  I've had multiple coaches, fast runners, etc, who've run with me tell me that I could most definitely run a sub 4 hour.  But the thing is, despite having heard it and seen myself run faster, I still am not sure I believe I can.  And to be honest, it scares me.  What if I put that kind of pressure on myself and I fail?  I could potentially drop 17 minutes off my PR and still be disappointed.  That's a lot to take in.

Before I fully commit to training for a sub 4 hour marathon, I need to admit to myself that I can actually run a sub 4 hour marathon (and that I can run a marathon without Team in Training, because it would be my first without them).  I'm hoping Goofy will help add a boost of confidence to my mental state.  But who knows how Goofy is going to play out.  I'm keeping positive thoughts though.

No matter what happens, this speed question is always on my mind.  Until I remind myself to step back...

and breathe...

and look at the bigger picture...

because 2 and a half years ago, I had never run a marathon...

and 3 and a half years ago, I had never run a half marathon...

and 5 years ago, I wasn't a runner and never thought I could be...

so just the fact that I'm having a "speed" argument in my head for what will hopefully be my 5th marathon is enough to make me smile...

and the "Things Tessa Thought She'd Never Do But Did" list is pretty huge...

and still growing...

and that is enough for me.

For now.