I think we need some space

I'm tired of the internet.

I know that sounds completely hypocritical coming from someone who blogs on a fairly regular basis (and is in fact using the internet to do just that right now), but it's simply true.  In the past, I was never someone who understood people that needed to "take a break" from the internet.  I didn't get it.  What was there to take a break from?  Why on earth would you cut yourself off from the world like that?

I'm also not someone who believes that smartphones have made us dumber.  I think they've just made life easier and provided us with yet another thing to distract us from what is happening in the here and now.  Interpret that as you will.

But lately I've been finding myself bogged down by the internet.  I'm constantly checking Facebook in any spare moment I have.  I obsessively check my email throughout the day, even though the vast majority of what I get I immediately delete or don't bother to really read.  When I'm bored with those I'll check my Blogger stats (how many pageviews today??) or switch over to Twitter and read the random comments of people I don't and probably never will know.  Or I peruse the multitudes of other running blogs I follow, half-heartedly reading posts that I'm only mildly interested in.  Thank god I've lost interest in Pinterest.  That sucked away a few weeks of my life a while back.

I find something innately wrong in the fact that before picking up my book to read and go to bed at night, the last thing I feel the need to do is check Facebook "just one more time."  From my phone.  While laying in bed.  And then the first thing I do after I hit stop on my alarm in the morning?  Roll over, pick up the phone, and check my email.  Because it is so important to check my email at 5:00 AM when the rest of the west coast is still happily drooling on their pillows.

I suddenly find it all ridiculously over the top.  I am ridiculous.

And it needs to stop.  There are so many other things I could be doing that make me much happier than counting how many likes I got on the last picture I posted.

Like reading.  I am pretty sure I've been reading Storm of Swords since the beginning of the school year, and I'm still only three quarters of the way through.  Granted, it's a very thick book written with very small font, but I still find this inexcusable.  If it weren't for the excessive number of audiobooks I plow through on morning walks with Lucy and solo commutes, I'd feel like I had completely and utterly starved the poor bookworm that lives in my heart.

A book, a hot cup of coffee or tea, and some couch time are at the top of
the list of things that make me happy.

Or writing.  I swear, one of these days I will embark upon a project of writing something besides this little blog.

Or cooking.  My cooking creativity has all but disappeared in the past year or so.

Or having heartfelt conversations with Lucy (I know you're not surprised by that).

She's a good listener.

Or reaching out and talking to friends I haven't touched base with in way too long.

Or sleeping.  How many times have I told myself I'd start getting ready for bed at 9:15 and then look down at the little computer clock to find that it suddenly reads 10:00.

Or for that matter, I could be thinking.  Do we do enough of that anymore?

I'm pretty sure the only thing I haven't sacrificed to the internet is my running.  That gets top priority regardless of how many re-posted inspirational quotes are appearing on my Facebook feed.

I rarely reject my baby blues.

I'm starting to sound cynical though.  I didn't mean to do that.  Let me step off my soap box here.

I think the biggest problem that I have with my current addiction to the internet is that there is no end to the internet.  There's always a new Facebook post, or rising pageview numbers to check, or more blog posts to read, or more email in the inbox (my phone just buzzed with a new email, ha).  It doesn't really stop.  And that's a problem for me.

I don't know if you've noticed this from reading the blog, but I like endings.  I like to wrap everything up in a nice little package, tie it with a bow, and stamp a big, fat THE END on it.  I'm a person who needs closure. If I'm left hanging, my mind literally will not shut off.  Reading books by authors like Dan Brown or from series like the Hunger Games or Divergent, where every single chapter ends in a cliffhanger, absolutely kills me.  Because I cannot stop reading.  I lose a lot of sleep when I'm reading things like that.  And when I do sleep, I'm dreaming about what's going to happen next.  Eventually though, those books end.  The internet does not.

But, besides books, nothing in life has neat little endings.  I think that's partly why I find writing this thing so cathartic.  I get to artificially attach endings to the episodes of my life, pretending everything got wrapped up neat and pretty and now I'm ready to start the next book.  And get to the next ending.  But that's silly, and as I said, artificial.  I need to get over that.

I can't say that I'm anywhere near ready to completely call it quits with Facebook (nor do I really want to) or any of the other multitudes of social networks I check regularly.  But I think it's time to put some limits on our relationship.  I'm sorry Internet, but I need some space.

I think this might be harder than quitting the snooze button.  Wish me luck.

(not really) THE END.