The Marathon Reality Zone

Is anybody else wondering what happened to April??  I mean, tomorrow is April TWENTY FIFTH.  Seriously.  We've apparently made it through 24 days of April already.  I'd like some of those back please.  I don't know what I was doing, but it sure feels like I didn't get 24 days in April so far.  Wasn't it just April 1st last week?  Lucy even has her confused face on:

"I'm confused."

I feel like someone is playing a cruel trick on me and has gone through all the calendars in my life, flipping forward the metaphorical pages.  I swear it was just a couple weeks ago that I was celebrating Chuck Norris's International Day of Awesomeness (AKA Daylight Savings).  And now, the sun is staying up until almost 9:00.  I'm pretty sure I've beat it to bed a few times already.

I feel like I've been cheated somehow.  Because the end of April means it's almost May.  And May means it's almost June.  And June means two important things:

1)  The End of the School Year.  Holy crap, so much more to do.  So much more to teach.  So much love left to give this class of little ones.  So not ready to say goodbye yet.
2)  Marathon Time.  Marathon #5.  A reunion with my very first marathon 3 short years ago, the Rock N Roll Seattle Marathon.  And a lofty goal time: sub 4 hours.

I'm not ready to start freaking out about the encroaching end of the school year yet, so let's focus on the other looming event.  I am slowly but surely entering what I have deemed the "Marathon Reality Zone." Because, let's face it, there is a "Marathon Denying-the-Truth Zone" and it starts the moment you sign on the dotted line and say "I'm going to train for a marathon."

Characteristics of the Marathon Denying-the-Truth Zone include:
1) Telling people you are training for a marathon, following a step-by-step training plan (or not), but not quite admitting to yourself what the end goal of it all is.
2) Going out for daily runs with one thought in mind: get through this run.  And then get through the next run.  And the next one.  Pat yourself on the back for each successful run.  Shake your head in disappointment for each "missed" run, or not-so-good run.  In this zone, the focus is on the small picture.  The big picture is still being ignored.
3) Buying new running gear, on-the-run food, sports drinks, etc.  Enjoying trying out new things, because you are just "training."  And that's what training is for.  Nevermind what all this training is actually for (you know...a marathon).
4) Adding an aside in your head as you tell people about your marathon: "Yep, I'm going to run a marathon [aside: IN JUNE]."  That aside, "in June" becomes a mythical, unreachable point in time in your mind.  A time that you somehow convince yourself to believe will never actually get here if you just keep training.

The Marathon Denying-the-Truth Zone is generally characterized by an ability to not really acknowledge the daunting task you've undertaken.  It exists in a time far removed from the marathon itself, and you may find that it will suddenly and abruptly end for a variety of reasons.

For me, the Marathon Denying-the-Truth Zone lasts varying amounts of time.  It was probably shortest for my 2nd marathon.  For my first marathon, I didn't know what I was getting in to, so didn't really know what "Marathon Reality" was.  But for my second marathon, I hit the Marathon Reality Zone early.  Because I knew.  I knew EXACTLY what I was getting myself into.  By the third marathon, I managed to stay in the Marathon Denying-the-Truth Zone a little longer for the same reason--I knew what I was getting in to, and decided not to acknowledge it.  And for Goofy, I managed to deny the truth almost up until the point I was unloading from the plane in Orlando.  Typically though, I'd say that I start to enter the Marathon Reality Zone as my Saturday runs begin to routinely reach lengths of more than a half marathon.

The Marathon Reality Zone has it's own unique characteristics:
1)  Quietly freaking out.  Thoughts of "Seriously? Seriously?? You signed up for another one of these???" or "Am I really going to do this again?" and "What was I thinking?" are prevalent.
2)  Panicking if you miss a single run.  Because suddenly it feels like every run counts and you will crash and burn at mile 15 if you miss THIS run (for marathon newbies: this is wildly unrealistic--a single missed run will do absolutely nothing to hinder your training).
3)  Overreacting to every little ache and pain.  Because no one wants to get injured weeks out from a marathon.  The sense of devastation is acute.  And then you realize that you just ran 14 miles.  Of course you are going to feel a few aches and pains.  Calm down.
4)  Having internal conversations with yourself that for most people would be embarrassing to share with the rest of the world:
     "You can't run 26.2 miles that fast."
     "Yes I can, I will do it."
     "It's going to hurt."
     "Of course it is, I would never think it wouldn't."
     "Are you sure you want to do this?"
     "Yes."
     "Well, not really."
     "I'm mean, of course!"
     "Actually, I don't know if I can."
     "Umm, you can and you will.  Stop talking to yourself."

The Marathon Reality Zone is generally characterized by a final acceptance of the truth (26.2 miles) and an unavoidable relative level of mental instability.  I'd like to say that I generally do a good job of keeping the insanity on the inside while in the Marathon Reality Zone, but I'd have to ask my friends to really be sure.  They're the ones that have to deal with me.

I feel as though, after realizing that April has been stolen from me, that I'm slowly but surely entering the Marathon Reality Zone for this training season.  It seems a bit earlier than usual seeing as the marathon is still 2 months out, and I think my lofty time goal is the culprit.  My current marathon PR (from San Diego last year) is 4:18.  And that day, I was somewhat disappointed because I had felt like I could have done better.  Even though I knocked 10 minutes off my previous PR.

While I continue to call this goal "lofty," I also acknowledge that it is completely attainable for me.  And that is why I'm entering the Marathon Reality Zone so soon.  Because it's beginning to scare me.  I know I can do it and should do it, but what if I don't?  How badly will I mentally beat myself up if I don't do it?

Too many questions.  Another key characterization of the Marathon Reality Zone.

It's apparently here, and I'm in it.  I'm looking at another 15 mile run this weekend, and I think it's time to start gearing up for the mental training.  Time to go gung ho with the positivity.  Time to accept the reality and work with it.

Time to remember that I'm a marathoner.  I can do anything.

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An update on my separation from the internet, for those who may have an iota of interest:

For the past 2 days, I did not check Facebook between the hours of 7 AM and 5 PM.  The world did not end.  In fact, it all feels a little bit lighter.

There may in fact be some sort of correlation between not checking Facebook and entering the Marathon Reality Zone...I refuse to acknowledge it if there is.