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| Eleanor Roosevelt was such a wise woman. |
I wasn't very successful at first. Putting yourself out there in the open for everyone to see and judge and ignore as they please is daunting. But little by little I chipped away at each insecurity and each fear. I did things like getting a dog, entering working world, starting to run, moving to Seattle, and exposing myself to the world via blog. I'd like to say that, while I may not do one thing every day that scares me, I've come pretty close to it. Taking risks fascinates me now, because usually the consequences aren't nearly as bad as what you dream up in your head.
However, there is one big fear of mine that I am still working on. If I could go back and list all those little fears I've faced, all the cliffs I've jumped and blind turns I've taken, they would all pale in comparison to this one.
My biggest fear has always been a lack of control. I like to be in control. And when I'm not, I get scared, frustrated, sad, and angry. This is why I get so upset when people do things that take away some of my control on life (things like shooting elementary school students or attacking women like me in my neighborhood).
A lot of the choices I've made in life have been based on control. I wanted to be an educated person so I could control the path I take in my career. I join tons of committees at work and take on many leadership roles in all aspects of my life, not because I want to be in charge, but because I want to have as much say as possible in the choices people are making that affect my life. I want to have some control over those decisions. My daily routines, fairly fixed schedule, and desire to constantly plan ahead are all a result of a desire to be in control.
So when I look at that magnet every time I open my fridge, I am faced with the necessity to conquer this fear. To let go a little. And there are certainly some things that I've come to realize I have no control over. For instance:
1) The weather. This is obvious, but I used to get annoyed when things didn't work out in my favor. Now I suck it up and deal with it. Cold and rainy or sunshiny and beautiful, I'm still going to be out there in it for a couple hours a day (for running and Lucy walks at least).
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| If I could control the weather, there'd be sunshine for everyone! And some rainy gloomy days here and there too, just so we wouldn't forget to truly appreciate the sun. |
2) My hair. There is no controlling this mass of curls:
3) Illness. I learned this lesson hard just before STP last year. And after being sick from about November through March this year, which made running pretty frustrating. Getting sick sucks. And these illnesses are just cold and flu bugs. Let's not even get into the serious stuff. I raise money for LLS in an effort to control that at least a little.
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| No matter how much hair product is applied, these curls have a mind of their own. |
4) What people think of me. This is big. Huge. It's really the most important one. I'm a pleaser. I want everyone to like me. I get upset when people don't. But what I've come to learn is that there will always at some point in time be someone out there who isn't perfectly happy with me. I can't control that. There are too many people in this little world to please them all. All I can do is just be me and hope for the best. If you're not happy with that, I'm going to go ahead and find some other friends.
Among other things, those are the biggies I've learned to let go of. So, you may be thinking, how did all this happen? How did I learn to let go, relax control, and accept these things for what they are?
Running.
Of course.
Running is the best metaphor I can find for learning to overcome my fear of losing control. And every day when I step foot out my door strapped into my running shoes, I forgo just a little bit of control.
Yes, there are certainly things about my running that I can control. I can stay properly hydrated. I can eat the right foods. I can fuel appropriately on long runs. I can train with integrity. I can keep my stride length short, control my breathing, and relax. I can wear the right shoes, buy the right clothes, and run right paces.
But sometimes, even when you do all those things right, running can slap you in the face and say, "Ha! Got you! I'm in control today!" Whether it's a crappy run when you thought it would be a good one, or a great run when you expected it to be the worst, running can be extremely unpredictable and out of your own control.
While I still play the game of trying to "figure it out" when runs go unexpectedly, it really doesn't matter. Sometimes it just doesn't go as planned. I just have to let go and deal with that.
And over the years, as running has dug its roots deeper and deeper into my life, I've learned how to deal with its unpredictability. Its uncontrollability (that's not a word, I made it up). Again, as ever, it all comes down to training my brain. Because it's my brain that controls it all eventually.
I've had to train my brain to push those Negative Nelly thoughts away and bring the Positive Polly thoughts to the forefront. If a run just sucks, I remind myself that I can get through it. It's not the end of the world. Other people have pushed through much worse than this. I've pushed though much worse than this. It's not that bad. Suck it up. And if a run feels great, I've trained myself to take those amazing feelings, bottle them up, and save them for the tough times. I hoard those on-top-of-the-world feelings for when I need them most. For the days when all I want to do is sink to the bottom.
So now, here's the challenge. How do I take these amazing let-it-go, lose-control brain trainings that are so effective during the 30-60 minutes I typically run in a day, and transfer them to the other 23 hours of my daily existence? How do I get better at pushing the Negative Nelly life thoughts away and keeping those Positive Pollys in the forefront? Because honestly, my life is pretty great. And on those few days when I'm feeling down or frustrated and simply like I don't want to push through, I need to have a reserve of bottled up amazing thoughts to get me through.
And for me, I think it all starts with letting go. Realizing that controlling everything isn't going to fix everything. I need to get better at letting things happen, instead of always trying to make them happen. I need to release my grip and relax. Some days aren't going to be so great, but it's ok, because more days will come and it's highly likely that they'll be better.
So, Ms. Eleanor Roosevelt, I'm trying my best to heed your advice as it applies to me now. Every day, I'm going to try to do one thing that scares me. Every day, I'm going to let go and try to just take life as it comes. And accept the fact that it will all still work out in the end, and eventually I'll get where I need to go.
Among other things, those are the biggies I've learned to let go of. So, you may be thinking, how did all this happen? How did I learn to let go, relax control, and accept these things for what they are?
Running.
Of course.
Running is the best metaphor I can find for learning to overcome my fear of losing control. And every day when I step foot out my door strapped into my running shoes, I forgo just a little bit of control.
Yes, there are certainly things about my running that I can control. I can stay properly hydrated. I can eat the right foods. I can fuel appropriately on long runs. I can train with integrity. I can keep my stride length short, control my breathing, and relax. I can wear the right shoes, buy the right clothes, and run right paces.
But sometimes, even when you do all those things right, running can slap you in the face and say, "Ha! Got you! I'm in control today!" Whether it's a crappy run when you thought it would be a good one, or a great run when you expected it to be the worst, running can be extremely unpredictable and out of your own control.
While I still play the game of trying to "figure it out" when runs go unexpectedly, it really doesn't matter. Sometimes it just doesn't go as planned. I just have to let go and deal with that.
And over the years, as running has dug its roots deeper and deeper into my life, I've learned how to deal with its unpredictability. Its uncontrollability (that's not a word, I made it up). Again, as ever, it all comes down to training my brain. Because it's my brain that controls it all eventually.
I've had to train my brain to push those Negative Nelly thoughts away and bring the Positive Polly thoughts to the forefront. If a run just sucks, I remind myself that I can get through it. It's not the end of the world. Other people have pushed through much worse than this. I've pushed though much worse than this. It's not that bad. Suck it up. And if a run feels great, I've trained myself to take those amazing feelings, bottle them up, and save them for the tough times. I hoard those on-top-of-the-world feelings for when I need them most. For the days when all I want to do is sink to the bottom.
So now, here's the challenge. How do I take these amazing let-it-go, lose-control brain trainings that are so effective during the 30-60 minutes I typically run in a day, and transfer them to the other 23 hours of my daily existence? How do I get better at pushing the Negative Nelly life thoughts away and keeping those Positive Pollys in the forefront? Because honestly, my life is pretty great. And on those few days when I'm feeling down or frustrated and simply like I don't want to push through, I need to have a reserve of bottled up amazing thoughts to get me through.
And for me, I think it all starts with letting go. Realizing that controlling everything isn't going to fix everything. I need to get better at letting things happen, instead of always trying to make them happen. I need to release my grip and relax. Some days aren't going to be so great, but it's ok, because more days will come and it's highly likely that they'll be better.
So, Ms. Eleanor Roosevelt, I'm trying my best to heed your advice as it applies to me now. Every day, I'm going to try to do one thing that scares me. Every day, I'm going to let go and try to just take life as it comes. And accept the fact that it will all still work out in the end, and eventually I'll get where I need to go.
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